Letter to my soldier

Dearest Jeremy,

How are things since you have been gone?  I would like to take the time to tell you how proud I am of you.  You are so brave and willing to do some of the hardest things that any person should have to do.  You don't complain, you march on, head held high.  I will miss you so, but I know this is the path you choose and I will support you in anything you choose to do.

I sense a change in your demeanor, you are gruff like never before, unkind even.  It scares me because this is not who I fell in love with.  I fear a permanent change in your personality and fear you will no longer care for me like you once did.  Friends tell me you are in combat mode and that you must turn off emotion to deal with the tragedy and destruction you will encounter.  This scares me more, as my instinct is protect those I care for and to keep them from harm and danger, but I know you are the protector and all I can do is sit back and try to be as brave as you.

Here things, they are the same.  Day in and day out, time moves so slow.  Each night before sleep I pray for your safety, pray that you will come home safe and fulfilled.  I ache to hear your voice, to hear the silly things you say.  To finally hear the words "I love you" escape your lips.  My skin desires your touch, the heat of skin on skin, the friction of lovemaking, and the softness of your embrace as we sleep.  My heart yearns for you back in my life to fulfill me like no other ever has.

Now there is a hole in my heart that can only be filled with your return.  I must wait a year to see you.  At this point I am unsure how much I will even get to communicate with you during your tour.  Will you have time to write, the ability to call?  How long will it be before I hear from you the first time, until the next time, and the next?  Then I feel so selfish for allowing that fear to consume my heart.  Here you are fighting in this battle and I am wracked with fear of not receiving a letter soon enough.  

What should I say to you while you're gone?  Will it make it harder if I tell you how I miss your kiss, your laugh, holding your hand?  Will it hurt if I send you sexy pictures of me awaiting your return?  Or will it be harder if I don't say those things and you think I have moved on and that I don't care?  Would you care for sexy pictures of me awaiting your return to get you through the lonely nights or will that only make you more uncomfortable and make your time seem longer?

I only wish to make your time away as easy on you as possible and I will try not to allow my own needs to override your needs.  So for the record, my darling, you are my one and only and will remain so.  I will be eagerly awaiting your return so that I can kiss your lips, rub your back, and make you dinner.  I will not love another, I will not desire another, I will not have another, and I want only you my sweet.  

With love always,
Michelle